A Dodgy Ru and a Stuffed Nan

Post by Gerry McDonnell

In a week wherever Mohammed Al Fayed has pointed an accusing finger at Tony Blair, the Nazis, Dracula and a crocodile, it seems odd that Richard Scudamore has emerged as football’s top figure of fun.

When a good friend informed me that Scudamore planned to play a round of matches overseas, I considered it was the worst idea I’d ever before heard – and I utilised to work in a nursery. I say ‘worked’, but it went down as ‘loitering’ on the cost sheet.

The Chief Executive of the Premier League appears to have been influenced by Gordon Gekko’s ‘Greed is good’ monologue from ‘Wall Street’. I’d advise Scudamore from following in the footsteps of Michael Douglas, as he could have to battle off Welsh gold-diggers. Investing in the eight/11 for a Pompey win over Sunderland is a socially acceptable way of rising your bankroll.

The thought of ten matches becoming televised again-to-again truly worries me, as I ritualistically indulge in a few of beers during a game. There’s no way I’ll be ready to drink 20 pints, unless i have to invest a night time with Kelly Osbourne. I will happily indulge in a celebratory couple when Middlesbrough stun Liverpool at 17/2.

Sir Alex Ferguson condemned his gamers for showboating in very last week’s FA Cup victory above Arsenal, but the unsavoury incident could have been a total good deal even worse. Apparently, Wayne Rooney as soon as kept it up with Nani for more than two minutes. I’ll undoubtedly be paying for it if Manchester United fall short to defeat the depleted Toon Army at 8/15.

When it arrives to awesome celebrity assistance, Everton are way behind the likes of Manchester City. The Toffeemen tried to persuade Sylvester Stallone to give soccer a try out, but he couldn’t pull it off, which is really ironic. I’ll happily play with the 9/four for a draw in between Manchester Metropolis and Everton.

Blackburn and Bolton have contested the mushy pea derby on thirteen occasions in the Premier League, and the staff taking part in at home has never ever emerged victorious. I’m going to lay Blackburn at ten/eleven like it was a legless girl in a nightclub. That Heather Mills certainly knows how to celebrate.

I find the political arena almost exclusively uninteresting, but the revelation that the Property Secretary is an avid Aston Villa supporter genuinely attracted my curiosity. I have nothing but admiration for the way that Jacqui Smith can juggle her secretarial operate with her homemaker duties. I wish she finds the time to again the Villa versus Reading at a delightful seven/5.

Taking part in a home match in opposition to Derby is like heading on a date with Paris Hilton, you’re confident that they’ll roll more than with out much of a fight. Wigan are the lucky beneficiaries of 3 simple points at 8/13.

There is a direct correlation among a club’s help and the coolness of the team’s nickname. Aston Villa are the evil Villans, Tottenham are the boiling Spuds and Manchester United are the Red Devils. Who in their right head would decide on to be a Cottager? Ashley Cole is aware of that West Ham are a fantastic bet at nine/five to beat Fulham.

The bigwigs at Chelsea are nonetheless understandably upset after a bundle that contains white powder was delivered to their coaching floor. They’ve now ordered Frank Lampard to use sugar sachets like the rest of the squad.

The previous time Chelsea met Tottenham in a cup match, an irate Spud attacked Frank, which is the actual definition of irony. Chelsea arrived out on top on that occasion and I can only see a repeat at 11/10 in the Carling Cup final.

The more i take into account the potential benefits of the globalisation of the Premier League, the a lot more attractive the idea will become. The Chinese would be able to relegate the ping-pong ball to a late evening enjoyment spot, Australians could embrace a activity that doesn’t involve shearing, and the Yanks would discover that actual footballers refuse to wrap up like a suicide bomber in winter months. I’ll be heading off on one if Arsenal fall short to defeat Birmingham at eight/15.

There is at present an incredible sum of opposition to Scudamore’s imagined-provoking proposal, but nothing is insurmountable with the evident exception of Ruby Wax. Wigan, Manchester United, Chelsea and Aston Villa type an eleven/one accer that will hopefully take away that ghastly picture from my not long ago tortured mind’s eye.

About the Author

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.